Are you in forever “Mature Love” Or are you in the “First phase of Infatuated Love”?
There is a huge difference. People fall in love and that overwhelming excitement takes over your mind and body. Your newfound love is the last thing you think about at night and the first thing you think about in the morning. You are absolutely smitten!
If you are lucky this love fest will last for up to 2 years.
Does reality set in?
YEP! It does. You have now come down from the “love high” that you were experiencing and with any luck your relationship can evolve into a mature love. In a mature love it is imperative to respect and understand your mate’s needs as well as to want to fulfill them. If you do not choose to fulfill your mate's needs and address his or her love languages then you clearly do not want the relationship to be a forever love.
If he/she does not mean enough to you at this point to step it up and take care of their needs you may not be seeking forever love with this person.
I highly recommend the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
In this book you discover what it is that makes you“tick” and you can determine what needs are most important to your mate. They too must learn what your needs are. Our needs can be very different yet we can still be compatible.
In a Mature love you want to fulfill your mate’s needs. You want to put them in a top priority position. If you fail to do so, you will have a lonely, unhappy mate and ultimately your relationship will fail to provide what either of you need.
What are your needs? What are your love languages?
According to Gary Chapman there are 5 languages of love.
Each of us typically seem to have several love languages that affect us the most.
I recently spoke to a woman who’s mate failed to make her feel like a priority. He tried to keep the peace between the mother of his children, his Ex Wife, by remaining low key with his relationship. This woman speaking with me felt unloved and undeserving. She was seeking affirmation. Her mate did not publicly make her a priority. She was miserable. Had he known how she felt he surely would have addressed her needs. Sometimes it takes choices that are difficult to make when meeting your mate's needs.
One of her love languages was affirmation.
I also spoke with a man who’s former mate did not go out of the way to do anything special to care for him. His love language is Acts of Service and his former mate did not know, or care, how important it was to him to have a breakfast cooked once in a while, or to have his favorite cereal in the pantry. This is an easy fix if you know what your mate is seeking and needs. You do not have to go overboard, but you do need to care and act on it if you want the relationship to be a mature forever love.
Do you want a lasting relationship?
To Maintain a relationship that can survive beyond the “First phase of infatuated love”, you will need to learn your mate’s love languages and reveal yours as well.
You must focus on providing some of what your mate needs to thrive. If both of you take it to heart and focus on the other your love can last forever. My suggestion is you learn these needs early on and start out on the right foot.